The Value of Assertive Communication

It does not take long operating a pet business to figure out that the pets are the easy part. More challenging is successfully handling people issues. Regardless of whether the issue is related to a client or an employee the key to successful resolution is great communication skills. There are a lot of skills that contribute to great communication, but there is one that stands out in resolving people issues.

When handling difficult situations you want to be an assertive communicator. Being assertive means standing up for your rights without violating anyone else.  It also means you openly express your thoughts, feelings and needs.

This sounds easy so why is it a challenge?

One reason is the myth of the fool’s choice…that we must choose between candor and kindness.

External pressures to “be nice”, often leads to us not being honest when we communicate. We want to be liked and fear if we are honest, people won’t like us anymore. That is the fool’s choice.

You can be nice and honest at the same time!

Another reason it’s challenging is that our communication style changes with circumstances. It can actually swing to one of the two extremes. If assertive communication is middle ground then one extreme is a passive style. How many times in difficult conversations have you observed:

• Body language or facial expressions that contradict the words spoken
• Someone making excuses versus saying no
• A soft voice that pauses and hesitates
• Eye contact avoidance

A passive response in a difficult conversation is frustrating. It’s obvious something is wrong, but without additional details it’s hard to get a resolution. You are left guessing how to resolve the issue.

The other extreme is an aggressive style. This response is definitely uncomfortable and rarely results in a positive outcome. In communication all of these behaviors are considered aggressive:

• Direct statements that offend others
• Statements that humiliate, are humorous put-downs or are sarcastic
• Verbal attacks to get their way
• Pointing blame
• Using “always” and “never” language
• Not listening to another persons point of view

Spending the majority of your time communicating in an assertive style is key to reducing drama and finding win/win solutions. Assertive communication behaviors include:

• Clear and direct statements of your thoughts, feelings and needs
• Standing up for your rights and those of others
• Real listening
• Being open to negotiation and compromise
• Expressing empathy and strength

Utilizing an assertive style means you speak honestly with tact.  You also control your emotions during the conversation.  Assertive statements start with “I” versus “you” and include:

• Your perspective; “I think…”
• Your feelings; “I feel…”
• Your specific needs; “I want…”

When communicating assertively you clearly state your view of the situation including your feelings and needs. The other person may not agree, but they know your position. This opens the door to negotiating a mutually agreeable solution. You’ll find difficult situations are resolved more easily and quickly when you are assertive.

Keep in mind that being assertive does not mean you attack, blame, place labels or make negative judgments. The key is to be honest about your position and control your emotions. It’s not always easy, but it is the most effective style for handling difficult conversations.